I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Floor bacon is actually really good
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
