i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
