Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
