I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
