It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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