Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
