The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
