i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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