he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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