She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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