There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
