He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
