I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
