yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
