he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
