Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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