sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
