I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
