The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
