it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
