Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
