he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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