Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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