I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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