I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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