ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize