"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
