just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
