you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Randomize
