There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
