honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
