The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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