I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
