i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i've created a new STD.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
