Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
These tits shall not be calmed
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