hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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