It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize