The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
