He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
