I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
