about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
