just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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