he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
how does that bad decision feel?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
