next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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