I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
