I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My dad is sitting where you rode me
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
