She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
