just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
