Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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