I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
