Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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