I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
