Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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