Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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