i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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