It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
