Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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