Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
