smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
And then my night got REAL pukey
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
