You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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