I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize