Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
