I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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