I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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