In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
