i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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