I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
