FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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