I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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