Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
