Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
