We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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