you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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