I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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