i just had sex bonerless
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Couch. On fire.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
