O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My dick has a subreddit
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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