So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
